All Bakwaas!

One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this:
Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game ?
Shane: Yeah, sure.
Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex?
Shane: Ha Ha, well, about 8 o`clock this morning.
Presenter: And how long did it go for Shane ?
Shane: Hmmmmm .... about 10 minutes.
Presenter: 10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it?
Shane: Ohhhh , I can`t say that.
Presenter: There`s a holiday to Bali at stake here Shane !
Shane: O.K. ... O.K. ... On the kitchen table.
Presenter: (and others in the room - much laughter). Good one Shane, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife ?
Shane: Yeah, alright.
Presenter: Hi Kylie, how are you ?
Kylie: Hi. Good thanks.
Presenter: (Explains competition again) We`ve got Shane on the other line, say hello.
Kylie: Hi Shane.
Shane: Hi Kylie.
Presenter: Now Kylie, we`re going to ask you the same three questions we asked Shane and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali.
Shane: Just tell the truth Honey.
Kylie: O.K.
Presenter: Kylie, when was the last time you had sex ?
Kylie: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can`t say that on radio.
Shane: Kylie, it doesn`t matter. I`ve already told them.
Kylie: O.K. ... About 8: 00 this morning before Shane went to work.
Presenter: Good, nice start ! Next question. How long did it go for Kylie ?
Kylie: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes.
Co-Presenter: That`s close enough ... Shane was just being a gentleman.
Presenter: O.K. Kylie, final question. Where did you do it ?
Kylie: Oh no I can`t say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no.
Presenter: There`s a trip to Bali on the line here.
Shane: Kylie, I`ve already told them so it doesn`t matter anyway.. just tell em.
Kylie: Ohhhh .... alright .... Up the ass !



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Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.


Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.


Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.


Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.


Wife - at least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.


Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.


Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.


Wife - i will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer!

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aik sharabi raatkay waqat apnay dost kay sath jaraha hota hay. rastay


main talab per nazar parhti hay tu us main us ko chand dikhta hay woh


apny dost say


kahta hay yaar ye kia hay.dost kehta hay chand hay. sharabi hairan ho


ker


yaar hum log itnay upper aagaiy




61
Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai


kya?'


'Haan' replies shopowner. Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'




62
A sardar calls another sardar on the phone & says "Hi, Main Bol Raha


Hoon".


The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain,Ithe bhi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"




63
Ek pathan Cycle chalaty aur gungunaty howe kahin ja raha tha rasty


mein ek Aurat se takra betha.


Aurat chilla kar boli "Break nahi maar sakty thy kia ??? "


Pathan herat se... "Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida."




64
Burhiya:Aray dekho iss kambakhat maare ko mere sath larki ja rahi he


osse nahi dekh raha kab se mujhe taare chala ja ria he...!




65
Aadmi:Aray..! amma darasal ye kabaria he purana maal dekh raha he.




66
Ustaad: Bete, aap jab hanste hen to aap ke dimples parte hen aap bohat


ache lagte hen dil chahta he aap ko piyar karloon.




67
Bacha: Sir, mujhse ziyada dimple to mere ammi ke parte hen.




68
Aik lerki apny boy friend k sath nai garri main long drive par


ja rahi thi


achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno !


kia tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho ?


kioon nahi.....larkay ne bare fakher se garden akraaii...


larki ne aahista se kaha..........


"to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "




69
Sardar : Apne bete se bola, Bevakuf...kaisa machis leke aaya hai, ek


bhi tili nahin jalti.


Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.




70
Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?


Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....




71
Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.."


Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main usey SURPRISE doonga..!"




72
Hum Ney Un Ki Yaad Main Ro Ro Kar Matkey Bhar Diye


Wo Bewafa Aye Aur Naha Kar Chal Diye




73
Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam ,


Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam




74
Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nehi hai ,


Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bi koi scene nehi hai


Iss dunya mein, tum he sab sey haseen ho


mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho




75
rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum


kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum




76
kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par,


dil mien junoon tha...aankhoon mien khoon tha,


uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya,


kambakht mien apna hi khoon thA




77
hi u all


i hv one puppy 4 u


1puppy 4 ur friend


1 puppy for ur fri ke fri


u know why???


becuz............


ajj hi meray dogi nay 10 puppies ko janam dia hai




78
Civic VTI jisai kehete ho wo gadi tumaree hai


Jisey nokia 6600 kehte ho wo cell tumhara hai


Jinhai tum aamon k baghat kehte ho woh baghain tumharee hain


Kaho ik di kaho ik din


Ager sab kuch ye mera hai to sab kuch dedo ik din


Gari apni mujhe tum dedo cell dedo doosrey din


merey hathon mai kaghzat rakh ker dafa ho ik din


Dafa ho ik din dafa ho ik din...




79
dabe mein daba dabe mein kharghosh,


uncle nae ankh mari anute behosh......




80
teen dost tha phalla patan dosra panjabe or tisra memon.Ramzan ka


maina


tha dostoo na bolaa ka yar zakat dana ha too app log kasa datta ho.too


phala dost patan na bolla ka hum khali maidan ma za kar gol paira


banatha ha or asman ma paisa ushal tha ha zoo paisa paira ka bhair


zata ha


woo zakat kartta ha or zoo andar hotta ha woo humara hotta ha .fer


pajabe na bolla ka hum ak lakir kachtta ha or paisa ushal tha ha zoo


paisa


left hand par zatta ha woo zakat kartta ha or zoo right hand par woo


humara.fer memon dost sa pucha ka woo kasa kartta ha too usna kaha ka


astag feroollha app log assa zakat kartta ho yea lakir fakir keya ha


hum


khali maidan ma zatta ha or asman ma husal tha ha zoo paisa asman ma


gheya woo zakat ka or zoo paisa necha aaya woo humara.




81
Admi Naai Se Meri TERE NAAM Wali Cutting Kar Do.


Naai Uski Tind Kar Deta Hai


Admi Ghussay Se Ye Kya Kiya Hai ???


Naai Main Kya Karoon Main Ne Dekhi Hi End Se Hai.




82
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower


when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.


Sardarji says "Yes".


"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the


thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji


figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again


walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the


clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."


The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This


time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."




83
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he


feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The


lawyer turns around.


"What the hell do you think you're doing?"


"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm


waiting in line."


"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front


of me, do you?"




84
Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?


A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.




85
Safed saari par jab tum laalbindi lagati ho


khuda ki kasam ambulance nazar aati ho


farq sirf itna hai ke wo ghayal ko le jati hai


or tum ghayal kar jati ho




86
janab patan: eak dookan per jata hai aor kata hai40 wala chawal hai.


dukan daar: je hai


janab patan:eak kulo dado


dukan daar: je janab


janab patan : 40 wala chawal kitna ka diya hai.




87
Aik haseen-o-jameel adaakara ke ghar aag lag gaee ..aag par qabu panay


main 10 minut lagay.....aor.......aag bujhany walon per qabu panay


main


40 minut lagay




88
Aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par phool daal raha hota he


Aur brabar men bhi aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par chawal daal raha


hota he.


Pehla Aadmi doosre se kehta he " Ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab


uthe ga?"


Doosra dost:"Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga




89
uncle aik bachay se kehte hain : beta aik acha sa jhoot bolo agar


mujhe


pasand agaya to main tumhien paanch rupay doon ga


bacha masoomiat se : yeh lo ! abhi to das rupay kahay thay .... !!!!




90
aik dost dosray se : yaar har party mien tum yehi kurta kyun pehantay


ho


dosra dost : kyun ke yeh mera khandani kurta hai mere par dada ne


pehna


phir dada ne pehna phir mere walid ne pehna iss liye main bhi pehanta


hoon


pehla dost : ohh acha .. khier yeh batao k tumhari umar hogai hai


shadi


ki tum kartay kyun nahi ..kya koi larki pasand nahi ati


dosra dost : nahi yaar larkiyaan to bohat pasand ati hain


pehla dost : to phir kyun nahi kartay


dosra dost : yaar mere par dada ne nahi ki dada ne nahi ki mere walid


ne nahi ki to phir main kaise karloon ??




91
Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway


station ticket counter with two men ahead of him.


'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front.


He was given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.'


the second man asked & was handed a ticket.


Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!'


'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk.


'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh




92
The Equation:





7 Glance = 1 Smile


7 Smile = 1 Meeting


7 Meeting = 1 Kiss


7 Kisses = 1 Proposal


7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -


And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.


So beware of glance!




93
Plan For Future:


Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?


Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.


Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.


Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.


Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.




94
Exams:


Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;


1,Too Many Questions.


2,Difficult to Understand.


3,More Explanation is Needed.


4,Result is always FAIL!




95
A man is dying of Cancer.


His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of


AIDS?"


Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom




96
Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else


Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.




97
Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?


Pupil : The moon.


Teacher : Why?


Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives


us light only in the day time when we dont need it.




98
Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?


Pupil : A teacher.




99
Waiter : Would you like your coffee black?


Customer : What other colours do you have?




100
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.




101
Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot.


Sam : It's a family tradition.


Teacher : What do you mean?


Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.


Teacher : What about your mother?


Sam : She's a woman.




102
Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?


David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.




103
Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?


Student : Brotherly love.




104
Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?


Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.




105
Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?


Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.


Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.




106
Teacher : " Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."


One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube again.




107
Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?"


One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday, sametime."




108
Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?


Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office




109
A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in


particular


She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname !




110
koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli


chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola:


Lagta hai pahunch gai :-)




111
Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.


Wife observes the whole episode


Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes Why are you doing this?


Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly




112
What is the full form of singh: S-sardar I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai.




113
Angry sardar-Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga - mita dunga- mita dunga.


Another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber nahi dunga.




114
Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?


Banta singh: Post office.




115
Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha kya?


Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."




116
Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya soch rahe honge....think.............


"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"




117
Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho?


Friend: B.A.


Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.




118
A friend asks sardar how was ur exam?


Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK. I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'.




119
Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunaideti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.


Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?


Sardar: Phone karte waqt.




120
Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad se ulta


latak ke gaane laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, Sardar bola oye side B gaa raha hun.




121
Sardarni asks her lover,"Santa dear, if we get engaged, will u give me a ring?"


"Sure" replies santa. "Whats ur phone no?"




122
Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days


because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women.




123
One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a


building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh


your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" ....... since Sardarji was in panic.


Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window while comming down when he was near the


tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto.


when he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.




124
*** Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.


His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was


okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and


at last wrote - THUNK !!!"




125
a sardar was going on the road.Then he sees a man who has met with an


accident.so he picks him up puts him in his car and takes him to the


hospital.Then the sardar realises that the man should have brought by


ambulance.so he takes him back where he picked him


sardar was driving a car. Suddenly one tyre was puncher.he took spear tyre


and changed in the place of punchered tyre. but unfortunately he misplaced


the four screws to fit the tyre on its place . he was so confused ,,now


what to do,, a pagal(mentally retaired) person was watching this incident.


He came near to sardar and said," do one thing,, take each one screw from


the remaining three tyre and fit it in this new tyre.There after u can go


where ever u want to. Sardar was so happy and said aree yaar Duniya tume


pagal kahate hai lakin i dont think u are a pagal. pagal replied sir,, i m


a pagal but i m not a sardar.




126
Once a Sardar ji rescued 6 people from a house burning on fire;


But still the Sardar ji was jailed, why?


Because all the rescued persons were fire fighters




127
TEACHER: Why are you late?


L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.


TEACHER: What sign?


L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."




128
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?


L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!




129
TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?


L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"


TEACHER: No, that's wrong


L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!




130
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?


L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!


TEACHER: What are you talking about?


L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!


TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?


L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!




131
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.


GEORGE: Here it is!


TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?


JOHNY: George!




132
TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we


didn't have ten years ago.


L-JOHNY: Me!




133
TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?


L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.




134
L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?


FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?


L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.




135
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?


L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.




136
TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".


L-JOHNY: I is...


TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."


L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."




137
Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"


L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday


sametime."




138
Question: There are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. A boy jumps inside and


swims underneath them and counts the number of legs.


There are only 36 legs.HOW??


Answer: One elephant was swimming BACKSTROKE!!




139
L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?


Father : No. Why do you ask that?


L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?




140
Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is


green and one is blue with red spots!


L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same


at home.




141
Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before


eating?


L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.




142
Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as


your brother's. Did u copy his?


L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!


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PART-2
1
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after


Every 10 sec a


woman gives birth to a kid.


A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.




2
Sardar-why r all these people running?


Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.


Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r


others running?




3
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence


into future tense.


Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".




4
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was


not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary


Expected".


After much thought he wrote: Yes!




5
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant


it's already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an


umbrella and go.




6
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer


gave 11cr after


deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else


return my 20 Rs


back.




7
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet


Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have


posted it....




8
Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died


peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the


passengers in the


car he was driving..




9
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible


looking thing is


what you call modern art ?


Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!




10
Sardar was writing something very slowly.


Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?


Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.




11
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local


sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still


digging for more..




12
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not


in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".




13
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?


Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.


Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?


Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?




14
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles


and lighten your burden.


Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or


troubles.


Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.




15
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to


give up my seat to a lady.


Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.


Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.




16
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if


my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,


"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"




17
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."


Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."




18
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..


My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said


another.


Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."




19
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"


Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."


Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.


Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"


Millionaire: "A Billionaire"




20
Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"


It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".




21
What is a girl friend?


Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.




22
Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest


waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20


supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.


Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara


Falls?"







23
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.


If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.


The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.


The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.


Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.


The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.


"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.


To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"




24
As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.


Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,


"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"


"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"




25
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?


For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.




26
What's the definition of lawyer?


The larval form of a politician




27
Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"




28
How do you recognize a Sardar in School?


He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.




29
once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the


weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.




30
Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.


After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. "


When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?


(What Happened, My Son?)







31
The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, )


aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!




32
Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens .


because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died


'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'




33
2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari


nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha


hai ki Reliance mai Job.




34
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?


A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other


ensures U


Continue to do so.




35
Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne


Flag


Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.




36
.How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &


comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo


ta ra ra.




37
A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess


what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.




38
Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?


Husband : Nothing.


Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an


hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.




39
Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character


thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya


hoga....???




40
Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki


break


fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.




41
Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a


Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher


Studies


Yaar...!!!




42
Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....


Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??


Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??


Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!


52

43
Wife : Do you want dinner?


Husband : Sure, what are my choices?


Wife : Yes and no.




44
Man : How old is your father?


Boy : As old as me.


Man : How can that be?


Boy : He became a father only when I was born




45
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the


field"


Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field


Teacher : How?


Student : Ladies first.




46
Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?


Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.


Customer : I bet you, it won't.


Post Master : Why not?


Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.




47
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!


2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.


1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions




48
Man before Marriage I like Airtel...."Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan"


After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network


Follows."




49
Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,


Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.


Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!


gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI...




50
They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is


love; after marriage it is self-defense




51
It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as


women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!




52
It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to


protect a country


BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank ......KAAMWALI




53
After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st


patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch


& finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI




54
What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a


positive side!




55
Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.


Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?


Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!




56
It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.


It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered




57
A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.


A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..


A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!




58
Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.


Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?


Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?


Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.




59
Do sardar jee motor cycle per bomb lay kar jarahay thay,


Rastay main speed breaker ki waja say jhatkay lag rahay thay,


Sardar jee ka dost bola yaar aaram say gari chalao kahi bomb na


phatjain,


Sardar jee...Oo tussi fiker hi naker assi kay pass dosra bhi tu bomb


hay.


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ear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for
our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and
whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ******
appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we
face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor
Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of
this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check
this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the ’shut down ‘ button.
3. There is a button ’start’ but there is no “stop” button. We request you
to check this.

sardar

4. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friend clicked ‘run ‘ has
ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to “sit”, so that we
can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any ‘re-scooter’ available in system? As I find only
‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the
door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ‘ find’, but
unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my ‘mouse’ from CAT,
So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning ‘HEARTS’
(playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur
money.

9. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft
sentence’, so when u will provide that?

Best regards,
Banta


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Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.


Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.


Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I’m falling in love.


Sardar: Should I buy tickets for my children? Conductor: Yes, only if they are above 8.
Sardar: Thank god I have only 6 children.

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aapne abtak SHOLEY movie kitni baar dekhi hai...



5 baar





4 baar





3 baar





chalo 2 baar tou dekhi he hogi.....



tou is question ko socna fir answer dena...





ok....





are you ready for it...











Who played double role in film SHOLEY ?


Think think


ANSWER--- is



King george
Jo Amitabh k sikke k dono baju par tha.!


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After the shameful defeat of Team India ,
the team members were not able to show their faces to people and they
chose not to go in public and rather just pack up in hotel rooms.

Dravid could not resist for too long to be in the hotel room
and still not be able to go out shopping. So he disguises himself
as a Sardar and goes out. He meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who
greets him "Hi Dravid!"

Surprised for having been caught he comes back and makes himself up as
amuslim woman - in Burkha etc and goes out. Yet the same woman greets
him "Hi Dravid!".

Dravid comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up
of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. All in vain, the same lady catches him
again and greets him "Hi Dravid!".

Bewildered by now, he could not help asking, "How did you recognise me?"

The lady replied - "I am Sachin!"


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No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It's a bug.


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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"



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There was once 2 muffins in an oven and one goes: "jeez its hot in here!" then the other one goes: "OMFG! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

XD I dunno why but it's quite funny.

I prefer:

There was once a man and he's skydiving. but he forgot his parachute!
all: "awww!"
but there was a haystack where he was going to land.
all: "Yay!"
But there was a pitchfork in the haystack.
all: "Awww!"
But he missed the Pitchfork.
All: "Yay!"
But he also missed the haystack.
All: "awwww!"
XD


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Body: virgin girl is on the phone and asks her boyfriend to come over and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and
the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

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